It's a well-known ritual in households across America. Woman has gone through half of her closet, clothes flung about covering the floor and the bed near her, bemoaning the fact that she has "nothing" to wear.

With every piece she tries on, she looks to her poor, befuddled man and asks, "Does this make me look fat?"

The slightest eye twitch or pause from him and she's tearing it off and slapping hangers against one another in the closet, looking for something else.

She is frustrated. He is frustrated...and confused.

Men often can't understand why the women they love, and are attracted to, have such a hard time seeing themselves as they see them.

"You're beautiful," he'll say, but she doesn't believe him. "You aren't fat!" he'll exclaim, but she doesn't believe him.

The poor man can't understand why his lovely, attractive mate sees herself in such a poor light. Is she fishing for compliments? Does she truly have such low self-esteem? Or all women simply crazy?

What men don't realize is the constant barrage of "this is beautiful" that is shoved in women's faces every day - and has been from the time they were old enough to take note of the media and their burgeoning young bodies.

From the moment of puberty, when a young girl first becomes aware of her budding body, she is also aware of the images surrounding her in magazines, movies and commercials. Sleek, svelte women and young girls who are all alike in their plastic, air-brushed perfection. And the young girl - as all youths do when trying to figure out their place and self in the world - compares herself to what she sees. And who - what natural human being - can compare to the artistic styling and flawless air-brushing that is presented in the media? No one. So, the young girl develops a complex; an idea in her head that she is somehow "wrong" because she does not look anything like what the media is telling her "beautiful" and "attractive" looks like.

So the woman you love today, gentlemen, carries this complex with her into adulthood - the beautiful, attractive woman you see is not what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

It's a complex that is hard to let go of. We live in a society that routinely pokes fun at people that are "too fat" and "too skinny" conversely. The idea that your value or worth is in direct relation to your size and looks is routinely hammered into our heads. To be less or more plump or thin than what is "in" is simply not acceptable. Is it any wonder your fabulous woman doubts her image all of the time?

Thinking on these things, be gentle with her when she's doubting her self. Know that she isn't trying to aggravate you or provoke an argument. She isn't trying to be difficult or shallow. She's truly seeking your love, and your assurance that she is still lovely and beautiful.

Remember, she lives in a world that constantly tells her she is not good enough, thin enough, attractive enough, maybe even not plump enough. Tell her you love her just the way she is - she'll love you for it.

This page was last updated on May 11, 2006